3+2=5 Ye of little faith...

We've known since November, but just announced to the general public a couple of weeks ago...August 6th (or based on our previous two experiences late July) we will be adding a third and final little one to our family!  Knowing this is likely the last time I will experience the joy of pregnancy and delivering a new life into the world, I started a pregnancy journal early on (something I thought of doing with both girls, but neglected to do for whatever reason). I looked back on some of my early entries today and it hit me square in the face how little faith I have sometimes. Here is the first excerpt from my journal, right after we took the first pregnancy test:

We went back and forth for SEVERAL months discussing whether we wanted a third child, what practical differences it would make in our daily life, would we be able to provide for three in college and school, etc., etc., etc....Patrick was worried about being an old father and I somehow never imagined that Kate would be our last baby, but we both agreed that if we had a third, that would be it for us. We finally agreed that three would be a good number for our family and felt that God wouldn't put the desire in our hearts if it wasn't within His will. As teachers, we saw first hand the benefits of siblings who were closer in age so we knew that we didn't want the baby and Kate to be three years apart in school. With that knowledge, we decided to start trying in May or June.

With Elena and Kate, we were successful on our first and only try each time so when we decided to start trying for number three, we assumed it wouldn't be any different. We were wrong. After five months of trying and no success, we started believing maybe we were wrong, and God didn't intend for us to have any more children. We decided to give it one more month of trying and we began to prepare ourselves for the reality of only having two children. We were beginning to accept the idea and I didn't want to get my hopes up again, so I waited to calculate a possible due date and take an early pregnancy test until that "P" date on the calendar. I didn't want to hope, but with my first two babies, I remember one of the very first signs was thirst. For a few days I had been craving ice water and guzzling it by the glass fulls. I honestly chalked it up to the fact that I had been doing some work outside and a lot of dusting (yet again, I didn't want to get my hopes up). But finally, on the night before the big "P" date on the calendar, I asked Patrick if he thought I should take a test the next morning. He asked if it would be accurate and I told him I thought it would.

November 27th, 2011:

I woke up having to use the bathroom so I lay in bed for a while trying to decide if I wanted to take the test. I told Patrick I had to go and asked him if I should test. He said go ahead. I went in the bathroom and took the test. I tried to keep my eyes closed and count the three minutes you are supposed to wait but of course I couldn't wait. I think I made it to 46 seconds before taking that first peek. Totally expecting to see a single pink line instead of two (as had been the case month after month before) I was shocked to see a VERY faint pink line next to the darker one. The first word I uttered was a very soft "baby" which then turned to a second louder "Baby" and finally a third loud "BABY!" I felt warm all over, weak and shaky. I showed Patrick and he didn't see it. We turned on more lights and he asked "Isn't it supposed to be darker than that?" I told him that it didn't matter how light or dark, a second line meant we were pregnant. We spent the day thinking about how our lives would change and re-adjusting to the idea that three was indeed a good number.

Isn't it just like our Lord to place a desire in our hearts, then wait until we completely let go and humble ourselves before Him to answer those long-awaited prayers? We know of so many who tried and tried and could not have children, or struggled for YEARS before having a child. Here we were with two beautiful, healthy girls. Who are we to question God and His perfect timing? I write this now as a reminder to myself in those times when I lose faith, or try to take control of the situation myself, that no matter how hard I try, HE is the one in control and HIS timing is always perfect. I need to trust Him even when I am in the "thick of things" and don't understand.